The relationship between softness and power
What we can learn from martial arts about holding on
Lessons about power from stick fighting
Have you ever been hit by a strike that resounded through your entire body? One that not only knocked you back but rang through your organs and bones?
Anyone who has spent a significant amount of time practicing martial arts will probably answer you with a visceral and serious, "yes."
Recently, a group of students and I trained with the bo, a hardwood staff about six feet long. At slow speeds but full contact, we worked on strikes, guards, and parries.
Some of the students held on to their staffs very tightly as they struck. You could see the strength displayed in their arms as they flexed their muscles and really tried to hit their target. But as I met their attacks with my own staff, I could feel how dull their strikes were. All their power was locked up in their body and not being transferred through the stick and into the target.
The more advanced students struck in ways that created a different reaction. Their strikes made the bones in my hands ring, and I had to let go of my weapon in order to release the pressure. They created resonance.
But they were not flexing their muscles or forcing their way through. In contrast, they held the stick with soft hands and let the natural momentum of the weapon strike their opponent.
Their role was not to force the stick where they wanted it to go but to generate momentum and create leverage. Once the conditions were set, gravity did the work. The result was better speed, accuracy, and power.
At the end of the lesson, I was reminded once again that when we hold on to something too tightly, we interrupt our ability to be maximally impactful.
We often intercept our potential for resonance with made-up ideas of what it means to be powerful.
Real-life applications
You may think that stick fighting has no relevance to your life, but I’ve found these lessons immensely helpful outside of the dojo in my everyday life.
The modern human battleground no longer involves deadly opponents from warring nations, but rather, continuous covert attacks from many directions.
We face conflict within ourselves in the form of stress, anxiety, and expectations. Our employers, so-called friends, and peers may exert pressure on us to comply with their desires. Even people we do not know and will never meet constantly vie for our limited attention on social media.
In all of these cases, a knowledge of how power works can help navigate the tension between us and all of these competing aspects of life.
Softness, power, and you
Sometimes we hold on too tightly to aspects of our identity. We define ourselves as part of this group or that, and it limits our view of what we are truly capable of. People around us can also obstruct our vision with their own expectations of who we should be.
Other times, we hold on to conflicts that refuse to leave our thoughts. We allow these conflicts to direct our lives because of our fixation on setting things straight or correcting someone's opinion of us.
Are there any areas in life where you might be holding on to something too tightly?
In our dojo, we stress the importance of sensitivity. With a tight grip, we not only hold back our power, but we also cannot feel our surroundings. We stop noticing the opportunities in our periphery, and we inevitably get stuck.
If your life is consumed by the feeling of struggling, this should be a clear sign that you’ve gotten stuck, and something is not working.
Struggles occur when you meet resistance with an equal-ish amount of force. But trying to blow through a struggle by using more force is a brainless strategy that is ultimately a waste of effort. Struggles often become a contest of who can expend more resources.
Soften your grip and feel where the resistance is coming from. You’ll notice that it's time to change directions, look for different opportunities, or let go.
When you open up your perspective, you may see another way to get through this challenge that you hadn't noticed before. You may even notice that the struggle you were trying so hard to overcome has no significance in your life at all.
When you soften your grip, you relax. Your perspective widens. You are better able to notice your advantages and opportunities.
And if you really do need to strike, you can do so with resounding power.
Beautiful article. Love this.
"I was reminded once again that when we hold on to something too tightly, we interrupt our ability to be maximally impactful." And, "We often intercept our potential for resonance with made-up ideas of what it means to be powerful."
What about the power in the capacity to play?
Play is often the shortest distance between excessive control and the mood required to be in free relationship with a person or a circumstance.
“Perhaps play would be more respected if we called it something like “self-motivated practice of life skills,” but that would remove the lightheartedness from it and thereby reduce its effectiveness. So we are stuck with the paradox. We must accept play’s triviality in order to realize its profundity.” Dr Peter Gray.
Fantastic piece, Leslie. I appreciate the martial arts metaphors. It reminds me of a few powerful and prototypical athletic memories I've experienced in a golf swing, a soccer kick, and a judo shoulder throw. It really is quite the epiphany to viscerally feel how powered is effectively generated through the body. I recall one martial arts instructor (boxing maybe) describing an effective punch as a "rock on a rope." Similarly, I had the opportunity to witness a weapon form called the meteor hammer (basically a solid weight connected to a string or chain) during my time in China. Inspiring stuff, Leslie.