Business lessons from dating my local drug dealer
In my twenties, I was engaged to a pot dealer. This is what I learned.
In my twenties, I was engaged to a drug dealer. He wasn't a bad guy, that was just his actual occupation.
During our five dramatic years together, I watched Mike conduct countless transactions.
Then, medical marijuana became legal. There was no reason to keep going to a street dealer. But even as the world changed, his business endured.
Years after the relationship ended, I started my own art business. My business is now known for its stellar customer service and ability to make people feel like they belong.
However, it wasn't until just recently that I realized: I learned everything I know about business from a drug dealer.
Lesson #1: Fulfill a need
Marijuana isn't technically addictive, but for some, it's more than just a habit — it's a lifestyle. My delightful ex-fiancé lived the pothead lifestyle and so did everyone he surrounded himself with.
Mike became the source of the aspirational lifestyle everyone around him wanted to live. His customers didn’t just want to buy from him, they wanted to be him.
But an even greater need that his customers had was human connection. He was a friend to his customers and listened to their problems. He often invited them into his life without hesitation.
He not only supplied a product, but he also created a sense of belonging. The line between customer and friend was often blurred, and I can remember nearly every transaction turning into an hours-long hangout session. We would all watch TV together, play video games, talk about life, or work on bikes in the garage.
For the lonely guy who needed a friend to smoke and shoot the shit with, Mike was always there.
In my own business, I do my best to treat every customer like a friend. After thousands of online sales, I’ve found that connection is the most valuable thing I have to offer as a business.
Every customer receives a welcome email from my personal email address, and I ask them to share their story with me. I read every single one.
I listen to my audience via questions and polls on social media and have a public idea box (google form) that regularly gets read and addressed.
Lastly, most of the designs that are for sale on my website are the products of conversations I’ve had with my climbing partners, friends, and customers. The product line itself is a part of the audience.
Lesson #2: Provide exceptional customer service
If I had to describe Mike in one word, it would be: charming.
At parties, he was always the center of attention. He would load up the bong for his friends and let them have a smoke on him. He had a contagious laugh and knew when to chime in with a joke or a quirky statement to lighten the mood.
He handed off every baggie of weed with sunny eyes and a big smile.
Mike’s products were never sold out — he would drive long distances to acquire more if he was running low. He knew his customer’s schedules as though they were his own, and would make sure to be conveniently nearby when he got a call.
He often gave out freebies and limited-time offers that made his most frequent customers even more loyal.
I’m a natural introvert and historically very shy, so being at the center of attention comes to me with great difficulty. Despite my personal hangups, at every pop-up event, I make sure that every customer feels seen, heard, and special. I give out a free gift with every purchase, and if I encounter a student or young person who is low on funds, I will give them an incredible deal.
Most customers walk away from my booth with huge smiles on their faces and head straight over to their friends saying, “Look what I got!” I believe that in-person sales are really about making people happy and proud of what they just bought.
Lesson #3: Inspire your audience
Throughout our relationship, I learned the importance of inspiring your customer base.
Mike wasn’t a big guy. He stands at around 5’9” with a slender build. Yet, he was well-respected by those larger and stronger and wealthier than he.
His opinion was taken with high regard, and his friends often imitated his hobbies and buying choices.
How? Mike’s weed-buying audience was niched down even further. He hung out with snowboarders, dirt bikers, and backpackers — all of whom smoked pot.
He gained respect by being a daring and reliable activity partner. His friends genuinely looked up to him. He encouraged crossover between the customers in each of his sub-niches, and would often invite his snowboarding friends to come and ride dirt bikes or go for a hike. He would tell them why he thought they’d enjoy it and leave the invitation open for any time they felt like trying something new.
Mike may have been the first true influencer I’d ever met. He did what he loved, and got others to follow. He was constantly thinking of ways to make his activities more enjoyable and would share his ideas with his entire customer base.
He was the fearless leader of his following in almost every way.
Through our time together, I learned how important it is to be an example to your audience. I sell products to rock climbers, and even though I’m not a better rock climber than everyone who buys from me, I make it a point to inspire my audience as often as possible.
I share climber stories every week and publish quotes on social media of beautiful or empowering things climbers in our community have said. By creating a system by which the climbers in my audience can inspire each other, it turns out I’ve created a community.
My current challenge is leading and inspiring that community. Over the past few years, I haven’t felt particularly inspirational in the rock climbing space because I simply can’t climb as often as I used to.
But this evening, I’ll be hosting our first-ever New Year’s kickoff call, and I hope to host at least one in-person meetup per quarter in 2023.
Ten years later
It’s been ten years since Mike and I broke up, and this is the first time I’ve written anything about him. The reasons why we stayed together for so long despite our unlikely connection are complex and require deep dives into both our personal histories and family traumas.
But there is one thing I know to be true:
The only to way make the pain of a mangled existence worth something is to learn from it and grow.
Even during the lowest five years of my life, I learned valuable lessons that continue to fuel my growth today.
This was every bit as good as I expected. I'm really happy you wrote this.
I think you mentioned this in passing once and I’ve been looking forward to the story ever since. I love the takeaways here. In sales, there’s some phrase like “people don’t buy products, they buy from people” I’m sure it’s more catchy than that but I find it to be true. Relationships matter so much more than who has a “better” product. I’m happy to hear you were able to pull a lesson from what sounds like a challenging time and have used the good to fuel a loving and supportive community!